God,

I feel lost. I feel like I don’t know where to go from here. I am so frustrated with trying to do the right thing in this program but not knowing what that is and never feeling like it’s working. I don’t know how I can care about something so much and know how much danger my life is in, but still continue to fuck it up. I don’t understand the steps. I don’t know how to know if I’m working them. I want to listen for your guidance but I don’t know how to do that either.

Please help me to give up control and surrender myself to you. Please help me to have faith that I will be caught if I let go. Please show me how to let go. Please provide me with a decision or inspiration about where to go from here. I don’t know if making my abstinence dependent on my food plan is a good thing or a bad thing. I’m afraid that if I try to stick with a strict food plan again and fail, I’ll give up. I’m afraid if I don’t stick to a strict food plan, I’ll continue to slip as I’ve been doing the past few weeks.

God, help me to trust in others and not resent them. Help me to realize that I have to take my own path to recovery but can find value in what others have to say, even if their story is not my story. Help me to find patience with my recovery and stop fighting everything. Help me to have faith in myself and you and take it one day, one meal at a time.

On this day of thanks, help me to be thankful of all the blessings I have in my life and realize that these struggles can pass if I will let them go.