1. There is a slogan “denial is not a river in Egypt.” What is meant by denial? Was I in denial before I joined program? Or even in program?
Denial is not looking at the problems that are in front of us. Sometimes it’s because it’s just too hard, and sometimes it’s because we are so far in denial, we don’t even know there are problems to look at.
Before program, I was very aware that I had eating issues, but I never called it an eating disorder because that felt like it was making it a bigger deal than I thought it was. I never thought of that as denial before, because I thought I wanted to tell people it was a disorder to justify it, so by not saying it was a disorder, I was being good by not getting attention. Looking back, that’s still denial.
I also think I was very much in denial about other areas of my life. I felt so happy after breaking up with Rowdy and moving to Seattle that I just decided my life was good. When I honestly took a deeper look at it, I wasn’t satified. It wasn’t manageable. I was mean to others and mean to myself. I wasn’t leading a full life.